|
CELLULAR PHONEYS
INTRO
Are you
thinking about a buying portable phone? Save yourself hundreds of pounds in
network and call charges with these low-cost, feature-packed mobiles...
COPY
Fake cellphones
are selling faster than real ones, according to one market stallholder we spoke
with, whilst researching this feature: 'I saw one guy in a pub pull out a phone
I'd sold him, and actually make a call on it, the bird he was with was most impressed'...
It seems that toy mobile phones are just as likely to end up in the hands of
big kids, as little ones, some of them are so convincing you would be
hard-pressed to tell the difference, without actually pressing the
buttons; what's more, they cost a
fraction of the price of the real thing, and there are no call charges!
We've trawled
the street markets, car boot sales and toy shops of Greater London to bring you
this exclusive review of phoney phones. We found at least half a dozen models,
some designs turn up in different packaging, or have different sound effects,
but this should give you a good idea of what's available. We submitted each one
to a rigorous bench test, in a local
hostelry, to see if they fooled anyone, and on the basis of the results
obtained, awarded each one a 'phoney factor' rating. All of them are
manufactured in China, and with one exception, are powered by a couple of 'AA'
type pen-cells. These do rather better than most hand-portable batteries,
lasting on average several weeks. By the way, most of them are sold as toys
though we doubt if any of them would last more than five minutes in the hands
of an average five-year old...
CELLUPHONE
Typical price
£2.99
Power supply 2
x AA cells
A cross between
a Motorola Classic and Micro TAC II, with maybe a smattering of Fujitsu Commander thrown in for good
measure. The lack of a pretend display panel looses this one brownie points,
and the aerial is a bit weedy, but it has an eye-catching, winking LED. A good
range of effects though spread around the keyboard in a rather haphazard
manner. For example, pressing numeric key 4 produces two tones and a tinny
voice saying 'hello'; button 9 is even more bizarre, there's a burst of tones,
the words 'emergency, emergency', followed by a police siren. The 'CLR' button
delivers a seven second blast of Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy' and some other, less
well-known tune, on the 'RCL' button. Not terribly convincing.
REALISM **
SOUND
EFFECTS ***
PHONEY
FACTOR **
CELLUPHONE IC
SONIC
Typical price
£2.99
Power supply 2
x AA cells
An excellent
copy of the Motorola Independent, though closer in size to the 8800X, in either
case it would probably fool most people at a distance. The numerical keys have
three different tones, which, if you play them backwards, do a passable
rendition of God Save the Queen. A pathetic winky light but good 'dialling'
tone sequence; loud 'ring' and 'line
busy' tones, but the squeaky 'London Bridge is Falling Down' hold melody spoils
the effect somewhat.
REALISM ****
SOUND
EFFECTS ***
PHONEY FACTOR ****
ELECTRONIC
SUPER PHONE
Typical price
£2.50
Power supply 2
x AA cells
Clearly
inspired by the Motorola Classic, you could probably get away with this one in
a dark pub or party. Good key tones, excellent ring plus 'London Bridge is
Falling Down' hold melody and realistic busy signal. Extra features include
winking LED and extendible antenna. Similar-looking phone also available with
voice messages.
REALISM ****
SOUND
EFFECTS ***
PHONEY
FACTOR ****
MOBILE PHONE
Typical price
£1.50
Power supply 2
x button cells
Smaller even
than the Sony CM-R11, a scaled-down flip-phone with our old-friend London
Bridge is Falling Down hold melody. Realistic ringing tone but rather too quiet
to kid anyone. Neat little retractable antenna and blinking red LED. The only
phone to come with pre-installed batteries, the button cell's alone must be
worth a couple of pounds...
REALISM *
SOUND
EFFECTS ***
PHONEY
FACTOR **
MY MOBILPHONE
Typical price £3.99
Power supply 2
x AA cells
Definitely the
star of the show, poser-wise! A passable imitation of a Panasonic car-phone,
with the batteries installed in the companion holder. The cardboard box it
comes in says it all, hopefully with tongue firmly in cheek: 'The My Mobilphone
gives you that special look of importance... a person in touch with the movers
and shakers of business, politics and society'. It gets worse; 'We have eliminated maintenance and costly repairs
by eliminating the advanced solid-state circuitry'. A familiar assortment of
effects, including 'London Bridge...etc., and that very plausible ringing tone.
Install this one in your car and just see how long it takes to get your windows
broken, at least you'll have the last laugh...
REALISM ****
SOUND
EFFECTS ***
PHONEY
FACTOR ****
NOBLE PHONE
Typical price
£2.99
Power supply 2
x AA cells
The most
blatant Micro TAC II copy, even down to the slanted slots around the earpiece,
and distinctive antenna mount. Cute crocodile on the box makes no effort to
disguise the fact that this is a toy but most people would be fooled. Top
features include a fully extendible aerial, winking LED and voice sound effects
with messages such as 'operator, may I help you', and 'information'; also plays
an extremely irritating tune. All numerical keys produce dial tones (all the
same) plus, ringing and busy sounds.
REALISM ****
SOUND
EFFECTS ***
PHONEY
FACTOR ****
---end---
© R.Maybury
1993 0311
|